I See Naked People

I witnessed something truly frightening at my gym yesterday in the locker room. I had just come from my workout, and was standing at my locker, key in hand, ready to open it up when out of the corner of my eye, I saw a rather obese woman probably in her 70's or 80s standing across from me, stark naked. She was just standing there, completely absorbed watching "Nate Berkus" on the locker room TV. She was clutching a folded-up towel, seemingly unaware that it wasn't unfolded and wasn't covering up her mashed-potato physique. This wasn't frightening in and of itself. I see naked people in the locker room all the time. I wouldn't have probably remembered her a day later had the following not occurred.

When I returned to my locker about 15 minutes later after showering, she was STILL standing there, holding her towel! She was so mesmerized by Nate Berkus she was completely unaware of her nakedness. I think she forgot she was in a public place and thought she was in her own bathroom at home. I think my presence woke her out of her stupor, because as I passed her, looking down at the carpet of course, she jolted out of her stance and began to wipe herself down with the towel. **WARNING--HERE COMES THE FRIGHTENING PART** and you know what I mean when I say "wiped". I was so grossed out. THEN she turned around and bent over to get something she'd dropped. I COULD SEE FROM HERE TO CHINA!!! Holding my breath,  I gathered my things and ran out of there. I was like, "This woman is old enough to be my grandmother! Where did she grow balls like that?"

Now I've seen lots of naked women in the locker room, but for the most part, locker-room nakedness usually consists of fleeting moments of necessity;  total nakedness is unneccesary for any length of time longer than a millisecond. What happened to modesty?? And to think Dr. Laura blames the media for our young generation being corrupt? What about the corrupt old folk, huh Dr. Laura? Who's fault is that?

Have you ever seen a really gorgeous young woman in the locker room walking around naked? (pause here for your answer......)NO. ME NEITHER.  Not that I WANT to see pretty young naked women walking around the locker room, but my point is, why do only unattractive, overweight women waltz around the gym naked? I'm all for loving your body the way it is, yeah yeah yeah, but come on ladies, get a clue! We don't want to see your hairy asses and you shouldn't want to be showing them to us!!! I think I'm being reasonable here.  I personally change out of my clothes as quickly as I can, facing the lockers. If I drop something, I cover up my naked ass first! Jeez! I have a body I could flaunt but it doesn't occur to me to parade around naked.

I was telling this story to my son Ian. He was laughing his head off as he was listening, and then proceeded to tell me his own horror stories of elderly (some overweight, some not) naked men in the men's locker room as well. He was telling me how they parade around naked, without a care in the world whatsoever. He said the worst he saw was two old geezers chatting to one another, stark naked, just chatting as if they'd met in a bookstore parking lot. Ian and I are wondering what's up with oldsters  and why they love to be naked? Even my son said he has more modesty than these people. He's embarrassed he has to be naked at all even for that appropriate time period of a nanosecond. Poor kid. I feel for him.

I ask you, are these people exhibitionists? If they are, is this their first attempts at such bravery? If so, please direct yourselves to a nudist colony where other like-minded individuals welcome you with their (naked) open arms. I mean seriously folks, what's with the complete lack of self-awareness? They behave like toddlers. Have you ever seen a naked toddler (usually fresh from a bath. The parent is chasing them to get them dressed).  They're hilarious. They poke their belly buttons and their tiny penises and run around free as the wind. THEY'RE CUTE. THEY'RE CHILDREN. When elderly people behave this way, it's NOT cute.

Have you ever seen a surfer change clothes after surfing? (I have, and I'm not ashamed to admit it). The very hot surfer boy stands by his car, door open, and peels off his wetsuit down to his waist. Then he wraps a large towel around his waist, and proceeds to pull his wetsuit off from underneath his towel. He then puts his jeans/board shorts on from UNDER the towel. Only after he's completely dressed does he flip off the towel. Voila!!! And these cute surfer boys do this in seconds. I should know--- I married a cute surfer boy and it's rare you get a glimpse of anything other than clothing and naked legs. (sorry, what can I say?) These elderly nudists need to take a hint from these surfer boys. Do it, and do it quickly, and hide as much skin as you can. (Well, the surfer boys can show some more. On behalf of libidinous women everywhere, we wouldn't mind).

As a fitness fanatic myself, I'm proud of these women (and men) for going to the gym to get in shape, to be healthier. All I'm asking is, well, begging actually, have a little modesty people! Locker rooms are not nudist camps. There is an unwritten code of conduct (maybe we should write it down and post it??) that you should refrain from all behaviors of personal nature while in common areas. Unlike the guys, we women get shower and bathroom doors. There is no need for personal "wiping" in front of the TV ladies. I wish I could say this woman is the exception, but she was really the straw that broke this gym rat's back. EWWWWWWW!!!! Enough!!

If modesty won't prevail, maybe there's a way to encourage these people to shower at home. Good looking people (and their good-looking bodies) get small towels. Average looking people (I would assume I fall into this category......) get average sized towels, and unattrractive types get the biggest towels. Maybe they'll get the hint.