Contempt or Comfort? It's All in the Eye of the Beholder

"Familiarity Breeds Contempt", goes the old saying, and certainly I can agree it sometimes rings true. I know that before we moved all the way from Reedley,  California to Hartland, Wisconsin, I was sick and tired of driving down a particular road called Manning. Manning was the main artery that connected little Reedley to big-city Fresno and beyond. It was 12 miles down Manning to get to the freeway. It was another 15 miles via freeway to get to Target, the mall, decent restaurants, and nightlife. You can imagine how many times we went down that 12-mile stretch over the course of the 8 years we lived there. 

Additionally, to get to our kids' elementary school, we had to drive down Manning. About 2 miles. Not far, but a quick calculation of the back-and-forth from home to school multiplied by eight years and yes, you have contempt.  I loved that their school was so close, but there was really only one way to get there, and yes, it involved Manning. 

When our son got to high school, Manning became a street that was basically a skip-and-a-jump over to get to the street it was actually on. It was such a nice diversion! And of course, having one kid in elementary and the other in high school, there was a new back-and-forth routine, picking one kid up and driving to get the other kid at the new school location.

I remember the day we left Reedley, we were so sad, recalling all the things we were going to miss. Our friends---numero uno. Our beloved house. Tied for numero uno. Our favorite breakfast spot--Main Street Cafe. The donut shop, "Donuts to Go", cute little downtown Reedley, the annual Christmas and pet parades. The things we were going to miss were so numerous. To break the sadness and tension, I said to my family as we drove out of town, "I am NOT going to miss driving down Manning! If I ever drive down Manning again I'll stab myself!!" and we all laughed in agreement. Yet when we visited over Christmas, we drove once again down that bedeviled street. It was wistful, not contemptuous. 

We have been in Wisconsin now for five months and two days, and we have yet to feel the "contempt" that too much familiarity breeds. We have our morning routines down, but we see new things every trip. Just this morning my son noticed all the icicles hanging from everyone's roof eves. We commented that people in Wisconsin don't hang Christmas icicle lights because----they have REAL ICICLES!!!  My husband has learned several new ways to get around our little town, so that too breaks the monotony. We have eaten out quite a few times, but nothing has stuck in our craw as a favorite yet like our Main Street Cafe did, or Jon's Bear Club, or The Pub, or Valentino's. Nope. We are trying though, you gotta give us that. There is a pizza place that we've been to twice, and we like it. Maybe eventually it'll replace our Valentino's but you can't force that sort of warm fuzzy no matter how hard you want to feel it. It something that just happens, like a mad crush that comes out of nowhere, or a favorite song. When you feel it, you just know it's right.

We do feel an affinity for our gym---we go often enough to feel comfortable but for Tim and me, we still don't know a soul here. It's really a strange and lonely feeling to never see a familiar face wherever you go. When we were back visiting Reedley over Christmas, I'd barely gotten out of my car to go to CVS when I heard, "LAUREN!!!!!!" I bumped into people I knew everywhere. (Most of whom were confused as to where I'd been the last 5 months they hadn't seen me). You know, acquaintances but not friends who get used to your mug in their daily lives, and you get used to theirs. You don't know their names, but you probably know their kids' names. You sat side-by-side at endless Little League games, and school fundraisers. That's what I miss the most having moved 1500 miles away. The friendly wave when you drive by, and boasting about your kids' grade point average to someone who knows how hard your kid really worked for it, because they've known them since they were knee-high to a grasshopper.

I know it wasn't always like this. When my husband's job moved us to Reedley in 2002, we didn't know a soul then either. I think I pouted then too,  but I'd dug my heels in and got involved in the kids' school. I volunteered in their classrooms, and started the chess club. I was there almost as much as the kids were! I've been a lucky stay-at-home mom for more than 14 years now, so I was able to do all that. I even became a substitute teacher! I was a friendly, reliable, semi-permanent fixture at their elementary school.

Well, Jenni's a middle-schooler now, and Ian's a high school sophomore, so the days of helping in their classrooms is long over. I'm glad I did it then, but how do I make friends now? How do I stay involved now? It's much more difficult, and the first semester has ended and I still don't know anyone here. My kids are doing great---they have settled in and adapted amazingly well. I'm so happy for them.

So, what about me? I'm the new person, the one with the funny accent (hahah, that's funny). I'm the one that's too loud, dresses too differently, wears too much glittery jewelry. I am irritated time and again over how different and new everything is, and I have trouble keeping my mouth shut. Everyone seems to know one another and that's a lonely feeling.  I'm the one that has suddenly become shy because I feel so different. I keep to myself but sometimes I get so lonely I just talk to anyone and everyone. I've noticed how quiet and boring most people here live---and I enjoy being the life of the party. I don't care if people talk about me behind my back---as long as they're talking about me!!

I'm taking private vocal lessons, and my teacher is amazing. Hopefully Tim and I will put a new band together and start performing again. Breaking up our band was really the hardest part of leaving  Reedley. Baseball season will be sad for Ian's former team without him; the boys have all played together for six years. We thought that when we moved away, WE were the ones who suffered the most, but in seeing friends and family again, we realized that our absence left a hole in their lives as well. I hadn't thought of that.

The familiarity of friendships and shared experiences breeds not contempt, but comfort. 

I See Naked People

I witnessed something truly frightening at my gym yesterday in the locker room. I had just come from my workout, and was standing at my locker, key in hand, ready to open it up when out of the corner of my eye, I saw a rather obese woman probably in her 70's or 80s standing across from me, stark naked. She was just standing there, completely absorbed watching "Nate Berkus" on the locker room TV. She was clutching a folded-up towel, seemingly unaware that it wasn't unfolded and wasn't covering up her mashed-potato physique. This wasn't frightening in and of itself. I see naked people in the locker room all the time. I wouldn't have probably remembered her a day later had the following not occurred.

When I returned to my locker about 15 minutes later after showering, she was STILL standing there, holding her towel! She was so mesmerized by Nate Berkus she was completely unaware of her nakedness. I think she forgot she was in a public place and thought she was in her own bathroom at home. I think my presence woke her out of her stupor, because as I passed her, looking down at the carpet of course, she jolted out of her stance and began to wipe herself down with the towel. **WARNING--HERE COMES THE FRIGHTENING PART** and you know what I mean when I say "wiped". I was so grossed out. THEN she turned around and bent over to get something she'd dropped. I COULD SEE FROM HERE TO CHINA!!! Holding my breath,  I gathered my things and ran out of there. I was like, "This woman is old enough to be my grandmother! Where did she grow balls like that?"

Now I've seen lots of naked women in the locker room, but for the most part, locker-room nakedness usually consists of fleeting moments of necessity;  total nakedness is unneccesary for any length of time longer than a millisecond. What happened to modesty?? And to think Dr. Laura blames the media for our young generation being corrupt? What about the corrupt old folk, huh Dr. Laura? Who's fault is that?

Have you ever seen a really gorgeous young woman in the locker room walking around naked? (pause here for your answer......)NO. ME NEITHER.  Not that I WANT to see pretty young naked women walking around the locker room, but my point is, why do only unattractive, overweight women waltz around the gym naked? I'm all for loving your body the way it is, yeah yeah yeah, but come on ladies, get a clue! We don't want to see your hairy asses and you shouldn't want to be showing them to us!!! I think I'm being reasonable here.  I personally change out of my clothes as quickly as I can, facing the lockers. If I drop something, I cover up my naked ass first! Jeez! I have a body I could flaunt but it doesn't occur to me to parade around naked.

I was telling this story to my son Ian. He was laughing his head off as he was listening, and then proceeded to tell me his own horror stories of elderly (some overweight, some not) naked men in the men's locker room as well. He was telling me how they parade around naked, without a care in the world whatsoever. He said the worst he saw was two old geezers chatting to one another, stark naked, just chatting as if they'd met in a bookstore parking lot. Ian and I are wondering what's up with oldsters  and why they love to be naked? Even my son said he has more modesty than these people. He's embarrassed he has to be naked at all even for that appropriate time period of a nanosecond. Poor kid. I feel for him.

I ask you, are these people exhibitionists? If they are, is this their first attempts at such bravery? If so, please direct yourselves to a nudist colony where other like-minded individuals welcome you with their (naked) open arms. I mean seriously folks, what's with the complete lack of self-awareness? They behave like toddlers. Have you ever seen a naked toddler (usually fresh from a bath. The parent is chasing them to get them dressed).  They're hilarious. They poke their belly buttons and their tiny penises and run around free as the wind. THEY'RE CUTE. THEY'RE CHILDREN. When elderly people behave this way, it's NOT cute.

Have you ever seen a surfer change clothes after surfing? (I have, and I'm not ashamed to admit it). The very hot surfer boy stands by his car, door open, and peels off his wetsuit down to his waist. Then he wraps a large towel around his waist, and proceeds to pull his wetsuit off from underneath his towel. He then puts his jeans/board shorts on from UNDER the towel. Only after he's completely dressed does he flip off the towel. Voila!!! And these cute surfer boys do this in seconds. I should know--- I married a cute surfer boy and it's rare you get a glimpse of anything other than clothing and naked legs. (sorry, what can I say?) These elderly nudists need to take a hint from these surfer boys. Do it, and do it quickly, and hide as much skin as you can. (Well, the surfer boys can show some more. On behalf of libidinous women everywhere, we wouldn't mind).

As a fitness fanatic myself, I'm proud of these women (and men) for going to the gym to get in shape, to be healthier. All I'm asking is, well, begging actually, have a little modesty people! Locker rooms are not nudist camps. There is an unwritten code of conduct (maybe we should write it down and post it??) that you should refrain from all behaviors of personal nature while in common areas. Unlike the guys, we women get shower and bathroom doors. There is no need for personal "wiping" in front of the TV ladies. I wish I could say this woman is the exception, but she was really the straw that broke this gym rat's back. EWWWWWWW!!!! Enough!!

If modesty won't prevail, maybe there's a way to encourage these people to shower at home. Good looking people (and their good-looking bodies) get small towels. Average looking people (I would assume I fall into this category......) get average sized towels, and unattrractive types get the biggest towels. Maybe they'll get the hint.