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Showing posts with label therapy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label therapy. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Celebrities Who've Attempted Suicide--may surprise you

This shouldn't be as shocking as it first appears. As someone who's a suicide survivor (which doesn't mean I've attempted suicide myself--it means I have lost a loved one to suicide) it is interesting reading. We suicide survivors are always left with the "why" someone has tried to kill themselves; those who've attempted but didn't die can help us understand the mindset at the time of attempt.

In my opinion, it appears that loss of hope that circumstances will ever be better, combined with clinical depression, cause many suicide attempts. It's interesting to do further reading, and find out, "how did they climb out of their depression?", and "were they ultimately glad they didn't die?"

Here's the list. You can click on the link for reader comments.
Sandy Wood
   
 
I was surprised and saddened last week to read of the reported suicide attempt by actor Owen Wilson.Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums are staff favorites here, and we’re definitely hoping and wishing for Wilson’s full recovery. But as I started thinking about the comedy star, and mulling over the constant stress of his profession, it made me realize just how pervasive attempted suicide is among high-profile people. Here are some selected 20th century celebs who attempted suicide, but managed to turn their lives around:
halle.jpgHalle Berry – admitted to Parade magazine that, distraught over her failed marriage to baseball star David Justice, she tried to end her life by carbon monoxide poisoning.
Greg Louganis – depressed, abused and confused, Greg attempted suicide three times (including once by an aspirin-and-Ex Lax combo) after a knee injury at age 12 ruined his dream of becoming an Olympic gymnast. Luckily, he recovered, and made it to the Games as a diver.
James Stockdale – H. Ross Perot’s former running mate attempted suicide while a POW at Hoa Lo Prison in Vietnam in 1969 to avoid torture.
Donna Summer – tried to leap from an 11-story window at a New York hotel at the peak of her career in 1976, but was discovered by a housekeeper.
Drew Carey – after a rough childhood that included sexual molestation by an unknown party and his father’s death, the lovable Price is Right host attempted suicide twice in his teen years.
wallace.jpgMike Wallace – in a 2006 retrospective honoring his retirement as a 60 Minutescorrespondent, Wallace revealed a suicide attempt twenty years prior.
Paul Robeson – the “Ol’ Man River” vocalist tried to off himself by slashing his wrists in a Moscow hotel room in 1961, although his son (Paul Jr.) claims the event was caused by a CIA/FBI conspiracy that drugged him with LSD.
Elizabeth Taylor – hoped to end her life in February 1962 with an overdose of Seconal, although she said she did so only because she “needed to get away.”
Fred “Rerun” Berry – the What’s Happening!! star said he tried to kill himself three times prior to finding religion in 1984.
Robert Young – yes, even the Father Knows Best father fell victim to depression later in life, culminating in a 1991 attempt on his own life.
And an alphabetical list of some others: 
adamant.jpgMaxene Andrews – survived after attempting suicide via a pill overdose in 1954, distraught over the breakup of the vocal group she’d formed with her siblings, The Andrews Sisters.
Adam Ant – tried to OD on pills in his early 20s after breaking up with his girlfriend.
Mary Astor – alcoholism led to a reported suicide attempt in 1951 with sleeping pills; she maintained it was an accident.
Tai Babilonia – attempted suicide after she became addicted to alcohol and amphetamines following her Olympic skating disappointment in 1980.
Drew Barrymore – after leaving drug rehab in 1989 at the age of 14, she tried to kill herself, but received treatment and successfully kicked the habit.
Brigitte Bardot – attempted suicide several times, first as a teenager. At 26, she downed a bottle of sleeping pills and slit her wrists, but recovered. “I took pills because I didn’t want to throw myself off my balcony and know people would photograph me lying dead below.”
Danny Bonaduce – made headlines by attempting suicide in 2005 during the filming of the reality showBreaking Bonaduce after his wife asked him for a divorce. Neither the attempt (nor the subsequent hospitalization) was shown on-screen.
Maria Callas – frustrated with her efforts to lure Aristotle Onassis away from then-wife Jackie Kennedy, she reportedly tried to OD on barbiturates in May 1970 (but later denied the attempt).
Martine Carol – thought that a triple-whammy of alcohol, drugs, and drowning would end her life when this French actress threw herself into the Seine at the age of 26. The cab driver who drove her there ended up saving her life.
Nell Carter – became addicted to cocaine and attempted suicide during the run of her hit TV show Gimme a Break.
cash.jpgJohnny Cash – in 1967, the “man in black” withdrew to a cave just north of Chattanooga, Tennessee, hoping to lose his way (and his life). He found his way out.
Gary Coleman – announced in 1993 that he had tried to commit suicide twice by taking sleeping pills.
Nadia Comaneci – while she denied it for years, the gymnastics legend was so stressed out (due to several factors, including her parents’ divorce) that she tried to end her life by drinking bleach just two years after her 1976 Olympics success.
sammy.jpgSammy Davis, Jr. – the biography Me and My Shadow reveals that a distraught Davis, fed up with cracks about his race, religion, and height, tried to kill himself on his wedding night by driving off a cliff.
Diana, Princess of Wales – told an interviewer that she threw herself down some stairs while pregnant with William, hoping to put an end to her unhappiness.
Walt Disney – the Leonard Mosley biography Disney’s World reveals a rumored suicide attempt.
Micky Dolenz – performed a suicide scene in The Monkees’ 1968 film Head, then tried it for real a few years later after the band had broken up by walking into traffic and sitting down in the roadway.
Patty Duke – bipolar disorder resulted in several attempted suicides during her life.
eminem&kim.jpgEminem – tried to overdose on Tylenol in 1996 after wife Kim Mathers dumped him. She attempted suicide four years later by slitting her wrists.
Marianne Faithfull – attempted suicide in Australia 1969, after which she broke up with boyfriend Mick Jagger of The Rolling Stones.
Peter Fonda – in 1950, a few months after his mother committed suicide, the 10-year-old shot himself in the stomach. Claims it was “stupid and accidental,” but some believe it was the youngster’s attempt at taking his own life.
Clark Gable – hoped to die during a high-speed motorbike rampage shortly after wife Carol Lombard was killed. He then joined the Army and flew missions over Germany during World War II.
Stan Getz – the celebrated saxophonist became addicted to heroin and tried to kill himself with a drug overdose in 1954 when police confronted him over an ill-fated attempt to rob a Seattle pharmacy. He spent three days in a coma.
Dwight “Doc” Gooden – in 1994, the troubled former Cy Young Award winner held a 9mm pistol to his head before his wife took it from him.
griffeyjr.jpgKen Griffey, Jr. – in 1988, just months after signing a lucrative pro baseball contract, the 18-year-old ingested over 200 aspirin to escape insults from fans and arguments with his father. He recovered after time in intensive care.
Mariette Hartley – attempted suicide (as did her mother) after her father died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound in 1962. Now an advocate for suicide prevention.
Susan Hayward – the breakup of marriage to Jess Barker, and the related custody battle for her sons, led to a 1966 suicide attempt.
Houston – the R&B singer was stopped after he tried to throw himself out of a hotel window in 2005, and then gouged out his own eye. Reports vary as to the reason behind this behavior.
Betty Hutton – her father killed himself after leaving her mother. In 1970, Betty tried to take her own life when her singing voice faltered.
Michael Jackson – in June 2005, a bogus, trojan-laced email reporting on a suicide attempt by the “king of pop” (just before he was found not guilty) infected computers worldwide. While that report was false, some sources claim Jackson did try to off himself that December.
Billy Joel – after the failure of his band Attila, attempted suicide in late 1970 by drinking furniture polish. “It looked tastier than bleach,” he later revealed.
Elton John – tried to kill himself by sticking his head in a gas stove, but writing partner Bernie Taupin found him “lying on a pillow, and he’d opened all the windows.” The two collaborated on the song “Someone Saved My Life Tonight” to tell the story.
Sally Kirkland – the actress spent her 20s mired in drugs until a suicide attempt literally scared her straight.
shelley.jpgShelley Long – despite tabloid reports that her 2004 overdose on painkillers was a suicide attempt, the Cheers star claims she simply overmedicated herself in order to cope with the breakup of her marriage to Bruce Tyson.
Ginger Lynn – at the age of 12, the future porn star ingested a cocktail of medications to escape from her mother’s constant abuse.
Jeanette MacDonald – tried to overdose on pills after learning of Nelson Eddy’s marriage in 1939; was saved by W.S. Van Dyke (who later killed himself).
Mindy McCready – the country singer announced in 2005 that she had twice attempted suicide due to problems with boyfriend William McKnight, who had once nearly choked her to death.
Robert McFarlane – the National Security Advisor tried to end his life in 1987 over his involvement with the Iran-Contra scandal. He took an estimated 30 tablets of Valium.
Sinéad O’Connor – claims to have been haunted by thoughts of suicide her whole life. Reportedly attempted it in 1993, and then swallowed 20 Valium tablets in a failed 1999 suicide attempt.
Jennifer O’Neill – first attempted suicide at the age of 14, and then “accidentally” shot herself in the stomach in 1983, but recovered.
ozzy.jpgOzzy Osbourne – not only did he supposedly inspire self-slaughter with the song “Suicide Solution,” but Ozzy admits to having attempted to off himself several times during his life, even as a teenager.
Marie Osmond – The National Enquirer reported that the singer’s hospitalization in the summer of 2006 was due to an attempted suicide, but she and her publicists wrote it off to a reaction to medication.
Terrell Owens – the volatile NFL star denied a September 2006 report that he’d tried to kill himself by overdosing on prescription painkillers he had been taking for a broken finger.
bird.jpgCharlie Parker – the jazz legend known as “The Bird” wanted to end his life in 1954, but failed in two attempts. He was then admitted to the Bellevue clinic, where he received much-needed therapy.
Barbara Payton – in a love triangle with Franchot Tone and Tom Neal, she ingested several sleeping pills in an attempt on her own life, but was discovered by Tone. (See Jean Wallace entry below.)
Dennis Price – consumed by alcohol, the tall British actor left the gas on in his oven at his London apartment in 1954. A servant found him and summoned help.
Richard Pryor – later admitted that the fire that injured him while free-basing cocaine in June 1980 was really a suicide attempt.
raye.jpgMartha Raye – after breaking up with husband David Rose, she went into a depression and took an overdose of sleeping pills in 1956, but recovered.
Nina Simone – the singer attempted suicide due to depression and a sense of helplessness after being attacked in London during the mid-1970s.
Britney Spears – earlier this year, tabloid headlines claimed that the pop diva had experienced a breakdown and tried to kill herself twice, first by walking into traffic, then by ODing on Xanax.
Tina Turner – in her biography I, Tina, she revealed a failed suicide attempt in 1968.
Mike Tyson – in September 1988, the then-undisputed heavyweight champion crashed his car into a tree in what the New York Daily News described as a suicide attempt.
vanilla.jpgVanilla Ice – in 1994, less than five years from the peak of his success, the depressed rapper twice tried to kill himself.
Jean Wallace – the actress hoped to end her life with sleeping pills in 1946 while married to Franchot Tone, then by stabbing herself in 1949 after their divorce.
Tuesday Weld – began drinking at a young age and attempted suicide at the tender age of 12 by ingesting aspirin, sleeping pills, and a bottle of gin. “I had fallen in love with a homosexual and, when it didn’t work out, I felt hurt.”
Hank Williams, Jr. – the combination of drugs and alcohol abuse led to a suicide attempt in early 1974.
Brian Wilson – some sources claim the Beach Boys genius tried to kill himself in the mid-1980s, a low point from which he has since rebounded.


Read the full text here: http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/7688#ixzz1f6cfNOQd
--brought to you by mental_floss! 

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Suicide--A Permanent Solution to a Temporary Problem

A few days ago, I lost a dear friend who apparently took her own life.  I will preface this right now by saying losing someone to suicide is sadly not a new experience for me. My older brother Glenn killed himself 13 years ago. When the news comes, it's beyond shocking, and like any loss, it never really heals. Erin's death at her own hands is something a lot of people either don't want to discuss or can't wait to gossip about. I'm discussing it here because like so many of you, I'm grieving. I miss her. Why did she do it?  One thing I know for sure is, the more you try to get answers on the proverbial question, "WHY?" the more questions you will get. And you will be haunted forever as all those questions remain unanswered.

Although I didn't know her well, I have very fond memories of Erin Bray. She was my son's Forensics teacher, and it was his favorite class. We became friends the day I met her; I had brought several dozen doughnuts to her class for Ian's birthday. She was so bubbly, petite and pretty, and happy. We clicked instantly. Shortly after we became friends, my husband accepted the job here in Wisconsin. Our last day in Reedley, with streams of friends coming by all day to our home to say goodbye, Erin was the only one who stayed and helped us clean our house. She spent a whole afternoon on her hands and knees scrubbing our garage refrigerator. We laughed and chatted and got to know her. Now THAT is a good friend. We couldn't believe she wanted to spend her day getting black mold up to her elbows. She had fun and so did we.

Tim and I took a trip to San Francisco this past April to see a favorite musician in concert, and Erin happened to offer to drive up and have dinner with us! She was in Sacramento visiting family and said it was just a short trip for her. We had a wonderful dinner at the Stinking Rose and took a hilarious taxi trip all over San Francisco with a cabbie who turned our ride into a "Cash Cab" ride, making up questions for us to answer as if it were the TV show. We ended up at a Tarot Card reading, and all I can remember about what she said about Erin was that she was going to be very successful at a new career with people, because she was "so good with people". So true.  I wonder if the Tarot Card reader saw her real spirit, and saw that she was struggling inside emotionally. We'll never know. That was the last time I saw her.

She talked often about coming to see us here in Wisconsin. I offered to pay her plane fare to encourage her to come.  I knew that her leaving Reedley High was very hard on her and thought she needed an escape--a trip to see friends that would give her love and support and spoil her rotten with our home cooking and comfortable guest room for a few days. Sadly she never came. She went to Europe and posted many happy vacation pictures, smiling and clearly having the time of her life. She had just returned.

As far as I knew, my brother seemed to have it all. He had just graduated with honors from Cal State Fullerton with an MBA. He had a great job as a chemist. He owned his own home. He drove a brand-new sports car, had lots of money, and not being married, had all the freedom a guy could want. So, why would he kill himself?? Good question. I'm still searching for the answer.

When we received such horrifying news such as we received this week about Erin, the first thing we think is "why?". The second is, "what could I have done as her friend to stop her?" or "what could I have done as her friend to know she felt this way? How could I have been a better friend and saw it coming and helped her?" We are suffering now. Her pain is gone, and ours has begun.

I know that suicide prevention websites will tell you that most of the time, suicidal people DO leave "hints" that they're suicidal, and that we just don't realize it. Maybe that's true, maybe it's not, but it doesn't help us deal with our grief by suggesting that we overlooked something we could've done to prevent our friend or loved one from doing what they did. The people who write these "informative" things have a lot of experience with suicides, and yes, maybe now we will too. Even me, who's gone through this before, didn't see it coming with Erin. Maybe the signs were there, maybe they weren't, either for me or those closer to her. It's important to remember that she alone chose to cope with her pain by ending her life, and didn't reach out for help. IT'S NOT OUR FAULT.

Usually that's how a suicide happens. Suddenly, and out of the blue. TO US. We know now that my brother had been planning his suicide for at least a week if not longer. He left a lengthy suicide note on how he wanted to be buried; items he wanted with him; how to distribute his money, etc. His house was shockingly completely empty and looked like a hotel room. What did he do with all his stuff?? How long had he been planning this?? It appeared very methodical and organized. His wasn't a momentary, "I can't take this anymore" and impulsively shot himself. No, he planned it. Did we have any idea? No, we didn't. Had I gone over to his house though and saw he had no belongings anymore, I'd have at least had a clue something was amiss. Could I have prevented his suicide? Maybe I could've suggested he get help. Would he have acted on it instead of killing himself? Who knows. I know I'll never know. One of the hard questions I'll have forever to think about.

Yes, we all saw Erin's posts on Facebook that she was distraught over this James guy. Not being close to her, I don't know who he is or what he could've meant to her, or how upset she truly was over things with him. I wonder how he feels about this. Did he know her well? Did she reach out to him in her final moments? We'll never know. But it's not his fault either. We don't even know if her suicide had anything to do with him. We can't and shouldn't try to blame anyone. SHE CHOSE NOT TO GET HELP. We need to feel compassion and empathy for her pain, not chastise her. She sought relief in a desperate bid to end her pain.

Being a casual observer, it's easy to glean from her posts that she just had a really bad day. Facebook has a way of minimizing people's day-to-day problems. People tend to post only the good things that happen to them and either leave out the bad or minimize it. Take a good look next time you log on and you'll realize how sanitized everyone's posts are.  I've even seen people's posts about finding out they had cancer, or heart surgery, and it's always minimized. "I'm doing great!" they'll post, when honestly, they're besides themselves with depression. It's the old agage--when someone asks you, "how are you?" they don't really want you to say the truth. They'd rather you just say, "Fine, thanks, how about you?" The truth is scary, and it takes more time and energy to listen.

I do know one thing from all the posts on Erin's page since her death is that she was truly loved by so so many. Did she know this? Probably not. Had she known how many lives she touched that she'd be hurting so many people by ending her life? Probably not. Had all those posts come just a day before that if she needed a friend "just call me or text me" had prevented her from ending her life? Probably not.

None of us will ever know how despondent a person must become to end their life. We cannot truly comprehend the actions Erin took and I will never understand my brother's either, and it's been 13 years.  A choice was made that is irrevocable. I call it, "a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Because that's what it is.

As long as we're alive, we can change our circumstances. Erin and my brother had many people who cared about them and claim they would've come at a moment's notice had they called us and said, "I'm really depressed. I'm thinking about killing myself. Come sit with me and hold me." Who of us would really drop everything and be there for that person? Come on--be honest. We are all so f--ing busy we pooh-pooh one other's pain and crises for our own inconvenience.

I know some of you are already offended. Well, you should be. I'm trying to shake you up. I'm giving myself a slap in the face as I write this. We need to listen better, and be better friends to our friends and better relatives to our relatives. Maybe having 600 "friends" on Facebook is the problem--how can we possibly be "friends" to 600 people??? Can we call those "aquaintances" instead? If we aren't going to take our friendships seriously, we shouldn't call them "friendships". I have the rest of my life to think about what a lousy sister I was to my brother, that I didn't have a clue he was so depressed. Could I have saved him? Of course not. But I could've called him more often, and made more room in my life for him. I was busy with a new baby (Ian) and a part-time waitressing job and a husband and so I made excuses. At the very least, I might've been able to steer him towards professional therapy and we could've rallied around him to give him support. Hindsight, as they say, is 20-20.

BUT--that aside, my brother didn't let on when I did call him, or maybe I was too self-involved to really listen to what he wasn't saying. I know people who saw Erin just days before she did this and they are the most pained. No one said she seemed depressed. Maybe she was trying to cheer herself up with the friends that she did see in the days before she died. I'm sure they did. I'm sure she knew she was loved by a few, but that knowledge was overridden by her pain.

I believe a person takes their life under the following circumstances--#1, they are in great pain. Whether it's a lost love or financial circumstances, they are in great pain and want the pain to end. It's that unbearable to them. #2, they have lost hope. They have lost hope that they will ever feel better. The pain is so great and so unbearable, they have lost the ability to see beyond their present state, and #3, they are clinically depressed. Which is why if we can steer them towards therapy they might have had a chance. There are some great drugs out there now and with psychological help they might be able to feel better, which ultimately, can lead to better problem solving and eventually, being happy again. A suicidal person is not a person of bad moral character; they are depressed. Did you notice how grey everything looked the day you got the bad news about your friend's death? Everything else was suddenly superceded by your grief. Now, multiply that by 1000, and you might have an indication of how your loved one felt. Alone, suffering, and in great pain. Do you feel like you'll never stop crying over her? Do you feel tormented by the way she died, and that you will never again get to hear her laugh or have fun with her again? That's what hurts the most, she was so young and had so very much to live for.

That's it folks. And that's why we bear such guilt-- we feel as their friends and loved ones, we should've been able to help them see that there IS hope, that things CAN get better. We feel we could've prevented Erin or my brother from their suicides. I know we all feel that way. It's called "survivor guilt". For me, especially when my brother died, I was reluctant to talk about it. There is so much shame surrounding suicide, especially religious fanatics who will inflict further harm by declaring that the loved one will "go to hell for what they did." This does not help.

Talking with each other, supporting each other together DOES help. It helps to go over and over and over the last conversations and interactions we had with the loved one who ended their life, and trying to find the answer to "why". The "why" that will never be answered is the hardest part of the loss. Because there is no good answer. No matter what a person's circumstances, suicide should never be considered a solution. The person who dies doesn't ever really receive relief from the pain they're experiencing, and they've unwittingly inflicted great emotional harm to everyone around them who cares about them. I know I will never get over my brother's death, and the way he took his life and was found is too horrifying for me to deal with. Thinking about how he suffered, and how Erin suffered, is so painful all we can do is cry. Crying is necessary. Don't be afraid to cry.

And if you see a "cry for help" from a friend or loved one, act on it. Call that friend and talk to them. And if it's you that's considering suicide, call someone RIGHT NOW. There are people who care, even strangers. You are one-of-a-kind, you are unique, and you have a purpose here on Earth. We only get one life, and we deserve to be happy. You can be. There is hope.

I will miss you Erin. More than you know.

http://www.suicide.org/suicide-faqs.html