The Newsletter that caused my insanity is here!

Dear Readers,

Thank you for your requests that I publish it here. Hope you enjoy!

Love,

Lauren

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                                                     Merry Christmas from the Kuckelman’s

As I sit down to write this holiday letter, I have to say, ‘I’m so proud of the four of us!”. This is our 2nd Christmas in Wisconsin. We picked up and moved 1800 miles away from family and friends to a “frozen tundra” where we knew not a single soul. So much has changed in one year.

Ian turned 16 in May and got his driver’s license in July! He is driving Tim’s old Honda Civic and he loves his independence.  Mom doesn’t have to drive him around anymore :(  He spent summer with his friends boating on the lake and working!  Ian got his first job! He’s a line-server at Q’doba, a Mexican fast food restaurant where he combines his love of money and available food. He spends his money on nutritional supplements, guitar strings and on his girlfriend. Ian became both a high school junior and a college freshman! He is enrolled at Carroll University taking Calculus 3 with mostly college sophomores and juniors. It’s his favorite class, and his “easiest”. Go figure. He’s still working out at the gym and has joined the weightlifting team at school. He had his first competition this week and placed 3rd overall out of 15 weightlifters in his division!! He can also bounce his pecs up and down and make us all laugh. Ian’s just a great kid and a complete joy to be around.

His little sister Jennifer is a 7th grader this year and turning into quite a lovely young lady. She is self-assured and happy, and is quite a social butterfly. She and her “posse” of girlfriends have sleepovers and make horrendous messes in the kitchen they call “baking”. They are an adorable group of friends and they are all so fun to be around. Jennifer is taking guitar as well. Three guitarists now in the family! She loves music and she has tried to teach me to “Dougie”  to the new Dubstep music trend. It’s not pretty. She’s attending school dances and loves her school. She likes how they all have lockers and the kids decorate them for each other’s birthdays. Jennifer still rides her beloved Poetry, who’s boarded about a mile away. She’s very much interested in fashion and design and she makes clothes by hand for her Barbies. Jennifer herself looks more beautiful than any model the way she tastefully wears her make-up and clothes, and all her friends let her do make-overs on them! She is a happy-go-lucky girl, a free-spirit and she is absolutely a joy to be around.

Tim has been Vice President of E-Commerce at Kohl’s now for one year, and we are so proud of him. We also love all the sales at Kohl’s and make sure we support him by shopping there as often as possible. He travels a lot to his warehouses during the week but we almost always have him home on weekends. Tim’s favorite things to do are making big breakfasts for the kids and their friends on Saturdays. We celebrated our 20th year since we met and our 18th wedding anniversary in April. We are still crazy about each other and love being home with the kids. For fun, we are in a band together--Tim rocks the guitar and sings, and I sing, and we love performing with our band, Rok Kandi. It’s something fun we get to do together; practicing and learning new songs. We also try to play tennis together on Sundays.

Like Ian, I got a job too! I started working in March as a part-time bartender at the gym we go to. It was my saving grace, as I finally started to make friends. I love my job as I get paid to talk to people. Perfect, huh?! I love weightlifting almost as much as Ian and I also started tennis lessons in summer. I have become addicted and play in a women’s league. I’ve been taking private vocal lessons for a year now, and my vocal coach has become a dear friend as well.  I’m also still the nutty animal girl who loves to feed the squirrels and chipmunks and cardinals. Tim calls their food “bait” for the cats.

We have adjusted to the weird weather here--summer is warm but not hot like Reedley was (much to Ian’s dismay) and there are a lot of thunderstorms. We like those. We all got to experience our very first blizzard in February and the kids got a snow day off from school--their very first! Wisconsin has become home for us now, especially since some very special family and friends have come to visit us--Randy, Inka and her twin daughters; and Tim’s mom Carolyn has come twice and she and Don are planning a trip soon. We love being near them and family in Kansas and have made the 10-hour drive twice.  It was great seeing everyone at Don’s 80th birthday party in August! Next--make a trip to Texas to see new grand-nephew baby Graham! With Ian driving now, Tim and I like to sit in the back seat. We have a beautiful guest room -we will spoil you rotten--just ask Inka- so please come see us!! We flew back to California last December to see my family and our friends. We miss so many dear friends and family in California and Kansas. We wish you all a happy healthy holiday season. We feel very blessed and are very grateful to have each and every one of you who is holding this newsletter in our lives.  

Love always and God bless, 

The Kuckelman’s

P.S. We are all on Facebook! If we are not already “friends” please add us so we can better keep in touch!

Contempt or Comfort? It's All in the Eye of the Beholder

"Familiarity Breeds Contempt", goes the old saying, and certainly I can agree it sometimes rings true. I know that before we moved all the way from Reedley,  California to Hartland, Wisconsin, I was sick and tired of driving down a particular road called Manning. Manning was the main artery that connected little Reedley to big-city Fresno and beyond. It was 12 miles down Manning to get to the freeway. It was another 15 miles via freeway to get to Target, the mall, decent restaurants, and nightlife. You can imagine how many times we went down that 12-mile stretch over the course of the 8 years we lived there. 

Additionally, to get to our kids' elementary school, we had to drive down Manning. About 2 miles. Not far, but a quick calculation of the back-and-forth from home to school multiplied by eight years and yes, you have contempt.  I loved that their school was so close, but there was really only one way to get there, and yes, it involved Manning. 

When our son got to high school, Manning became a street that was basically a skip-and-a-jump over to get to the street it was actually on. It was such a nice diversion! And of course, having one kid in elementary and the other in high school, there was a new back-and-forth routine, picking one kid up and driving to get the other kid at the new school location.

I remember the day we left Reedley, we were so sad, recalling all the things we were going to miss. Our friends---numero uno. Our beloved house. Tied for numero uno. Our favorite breakfast spot--Main Street Cafe. The donut shop, "Donuts to Go", cute little downtown Reedley, the annual Christmas and pet parades. The things we were going to miss were so numerous. To break the sadness and tension, I said to my family as we drove out of town, "I am NOT going to miss driving down Manning! If I ever drive down Manning again I'll stab myself!!" and we all laughed in agreement. Yet when we visited over Christmas, we drove once again down that bedeviled street. It was wistful, not contemptuous. 

We have been in Wisconsin now for five months and two days, and we have yet to feel the "contempt" that too much familiarity breeds. We have our morning routines down, but we see new things every trip. Just this morning my son noticed all the icicles hanging from everyone's roof eves. We commented that people in Wisconsin don't hang Christmas icicle lights because----they have REAL ICICLES!!!  My husband has learned several new ways to get around our little town, so that too breaks the monotony. We have eaten out quite a few times, but nothing has stuck in our craw as a favorite yet like our Main Street Cafe did, or Jon's Bear Club, or The Pub, or Valentino's. Nope. We are trying though, you gotta give us that. There is a pizza place that we've been to twice, and we like it. Maybe eventually it'll replace our Valentino's but you can't force that sort of warm fuzzy no matter how hard you want to feel it. It something that just happens, like a mad crush that comes out of nowhere, or a favorite song. When you feel it, you just know it's right.

We do feel an affinity for our gym---we go often enough to feel comfortable but for Tim and me, we still don't know a soul here. It's really a strange and lonely feeling to never see a familiar face wherever you go. When we were back visiting Reedley over Christmas, I'd barely gotten out of my car to go to CVS when I heard, "LAUREN!!!!!!" I bumped into people I knew everywhere. (Most of whom were confused as to where I'd been the last 5 months they hadn't seen me). You know, acquaintances but not friends who get used to your mug in their daily lives, and you get used to theirs. You don't know their names, but you probably know their kids' names. You sat side-by-side at endless Little League games, and school fundraisers. That's what I miss the most having moved 1500 miles away. The friendly wave when you drive by, and boasting about your kids' grade point average to someone who knows how hard your kid really worked for it, because they've known them since they were knee-high to a grasshopper.

I know it wasn't always like this. When my husband's job moved us to Reedley in 2002, we didn't know a soul then either. I think I pouted then too,  but I'd dug my heels in and got involved in the kids' school. I volunteered in their classrooms, and started the chess club. I was there almost as much as the kids were! I've been a lucky stay-at-home mom for more than 14 years now, so I was able to do all that. I even became a substitute teacher! I was a friendly, reliable, semi-permanent fixture at their elementary school.

Well, Jenni's a middle-schooler now, and Ian's a high school sophomore, so the days of helping in their classrooms is long over. I'm glad I did it then, but how do I make friends now? How do I stay involved now? It's much more difficult, and the first semester has ended and I still don't know anyone here. My kids are doing great---they have settled in and adapted amazingly well. I'm so happy for them.

So, what about me? I'm the new person, the one with the funny accent (hahah, that's funny). I'm the one that's too loud, dresses too differently, wears too much glittery jewelry. I am irritated time and again over how different and new everything is, and I have trouble keeping my mouth shut. Everyone seems to know one another and that's a lonely feeling.  I'm the one that has suddenly become shy because I feel so different. I keep to myself but sometimes I get so lonely I just talk to anyone and everyone. I've noticed how quiet and boring most people here live---and I enjoy being the life of the party. I don't care if people talk about me behind my back---as long as they're talking about me!!

I'm taking private vocal lessons, and my teacher is amazing. Hopefully Tim and I will put a new band together and start performing again. Breaking up our band was really the hardest part of leaving  Reedley. Baseball season will be sad for Ian's former team without him; the boys have all played together for six years. We thought that when we moved away, WE were the ones who suffered the most, but in seeing friends and family again, we realized that our absence left a hole in their lives as well. I hadn't thought of that.

The familiarity of friendships and shared experiences breeds not contempt, but comfort. 

Sex, Deer, and Other Crazy Things About Wisconsin

Part of the fun of moving 1500 miles to a new place is making fun of just how different the new place is. We have been here in Wisconsin now 2-1/2 months, and although I think the hardest part is behind us (being new, finding our way around, getting lost every single day) each new day seems to smack me in the face somehow and remind me, Lauren, you're not in California anymore.

I was driving Ian to school at the usual 7:15 am time this past Monday, the day after Halloween, and we saw a subdivision that was already decorated for Christmas! Ian and I gasped and guffawed at the sight. "Wreaths and garlands up the day after Halloween? OMG" we clicked our tongues the rest of the drive at the ridiculousness of it all.  I mean, we still have 2 skeletons hanging that we haven't taken down yet (ladder needed) and someone's already putting up wreaths and garlands?! What an atrocity! What happened to waiting till after Thanksgiving???

And it doesn't matter how long we live here, we will NEVER stop laughing at the way they talk here, especially at the grocery store. In California, you hear, "paper or plastic?" and here they say "paper or plastic bag?" but the bag has 2 syllables, more like "bee--agg". You have no idea how many times Tim has asked, "do I want a what??" and he truly has no idea what they're saying! It's the one accent I really can't imitate. It's just, well, odd.

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The next time you're driving on one of California's crazy freeways, say a small prayer for us Kuckelman's here in Wisconsin, because it's a miracle we're not dead yet.  I have come to realize that California drivers are indeed some of the BEST drivers in the world. Stop laughing!!! You obviously haven't driven in Wisconsin before if you're laughing.  I don't know what it is about them, but they don't get the whole, MOVE OVER INTO THE EMPTY LANE PLEASE SO I CAN MERGE ONTO THIS FREEWAY YOU IDIOT!!! This is what they'll actually do--they will drive in the outside lane where you need to go to merge onto the freeway and they will just stay where they are, completely blocking you out. They don't go a little faster to let you in, nor will they slow down to let you in, or move over to the EMPTY lane next to them to let you in! It's insane. You have no idea how many times Tim and I have almost gotten completely squeezed out and rolled down embankments. It's not funny.

The other completely irritating thing we've experienced is the constant highway construction that goes on during summer and fall months. Basically, 24/7 if the weather's permitting. They've been repaving the same 4 mile stretch of highway since we moved here, and today, the onramps were STILL closed so I had to take a detour to get Ian to school! (will they EVER be finished?????) I am so sick of seeing orange barrels!!! I actually accidentally hit one last week, guess how???? (pause for your answer.....)
YES!!!! TRYING TO MERGE ONTO THE FREEWAY!!!! Some jerk wouldn't let me in so I accidentally smacked one of those stupid orange barrels with my right rearview mirror. It snapped shut close to the car and I was so freaked out. I was happy that it hadn't done any damage after all--it just snapped back into place. WHEW!

I also don't think they like people from California.  Tim didn't believe me when I told him how it seemed I kept getting tailgated. I had several rednecks in stupid Ford trucks with their stupid John Deere hats on try to run me over, honk their horns at me, and then swerve around me and flip me the bird. For doing what I ask you?? I have no idea! I mean, come on, you guys know me, you know how I drive. I usually go faster than everyone around me, I'm always late wherever it is I'm going. So for someone to tailgate me and get THAT irate at me really is beyond my understanding. I have concluded that it's because I have California license plates. I have been threatened, stared at, and seen the eyes roll and the fingers pointed from inside car doors going 65 mph. I have proof I'm right---we just bought a new car that has Wisconsin license plates, and guess what?? No one's tried to run me off the road. No roled eyes. We've become one of them. Hmmph.


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Now, lastly, I have to say up front that I love deer. I don't get how hunting is such a big effing to-do out here. How Neanderthal! The first time we saw deer crossing the road in front of us, I was driving Ian to a friend's house, and a family of deer was crossing the road literally right in front of us. They absolutely came out of nowhere. Fortunately, I was in a 25 zone so I was going slow and had no trouble stopping quickly so I wouldn't hit them. Ian and I gazed at their beauty, and marveled at "how cool is it to see deer?"  They floated across so quickly if you'd have blinked you'd have missed them. We then went along our merry way just mesmerized.

THEN----- we took a family trip to Kansas this weekend, yes, 10-ish long hours in the car (one way)and dozen of deer carcasses later, I'm scared of seeing any more Bambis.  The first time I saw a dead deer off the side of the road, we all sighed and said collectively, "Awwww, poor thing", and the car got quiet as we all felt anger at how we city people have driven them from their native burroughs to the point that they cross dangerous roads in search of food. Evil evil humans!! How dare we???

Then Tim told me how it's not food that drives them to cross highways streaming with cars--it's SEX!! Seems the male deer are always chasing the female deer, and like most horny men, will risk life and limb (or should I say, all four limbs) to get a little action. So, what ends up happening is the male deer will be chasing the female, and she's scampers across the highway safely. I don't know why this is, it's just what Tim was told by someone who's an expert on this sort of topic. So the male (buck) is running after her, tongue wagging, saliva dripping everywhere, and he's not really paying attention to the cars whizzing by. He's looking at her cute little white tail, and BOOM he's dead. Doesn't even see it coming. Meanwhile, she's safely trotted off to the other side of the freeway, having a little nibble of grass on the other side, wondering,  "why did Romeo stop chasing me? Oh well, must've been that pretty doe over there by the Kuckeman house-- he's been staying out late every night this week and I'll bet cha he's doing her". She doesn't give him another thought because her tail is so white and cute it's not long till another cute buck comes along and starts chasing after her. And so on it goes.

So the moral of this story is, if you see a deer daintily cross the road, please don't accelerate and think the coast is clear. A very aroused buck will soon appear in front of your headlights and you won't see his eyes because he's looking at the previous deer's tushie. There might even be two or three if she's really a hottie. Give the poor guys a break.  They can't help themselves. It's just nature. And isn't nature beautiful?? Awwww........